The Mothers UK interview

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***NEW POST***KATE, HATTIE AND ALICE***

Name: Kate

Age: 34

Children: Hattie, 3 Alice, 1

Expectations of motherhood: Autumnal walks in the woods. Cosy cuddles on the couch. Breastfeeding my baby in costa while chatting with friends. This is how I would spend motherhood. The baby would fit right in, we wouldn't change, she would simply fit in with our routine. Right?

Reality of motherhood: Oh, the naivety. Where to start? Breastfeeding, I thought it would be simple, all babies latch on easily enough don't they? Tongue tie? Never heard of it. Silent reflux? Never heard of it? It's safe to say that depsite having a close network of family and friends who had children, I had no idea of how overwhelmingly terrifying motherhood would be.

Depsite this, we did it. Then did it again.

Taking your baby home: After spending 8 days in hospital after a slightly (very) traumatic labour and recovery, we were desperate to take our beautiful daughter, Hattie, home. Once home, the realisation that the secure safety net of midwives had been pulled from underneath us and it was just us 3 hit me hard. I remember looking at Hattie in her Moses basket and feeling a mixture of pure elation and terror. How could I look after something so tiny? Something so utterly dependent on me? It was Harry, my Husband, who pulled me out of the abyss of fear and reassured me that we would be great and that our life as a family of 3 could begin.  

Best/Worst advice: One of the best pieces of advice I was given was this 'Just when you think you've got the routine sorted, the baby changes it - don't feel deflated if what has been working suddenly changes.' This particular piece advice forewarned me not to get bogged down with too strict a routine and to try and follow Hattie's lead (I still overanalysed and second guessed absolutely everything).

Hardest parts of being a mother: I've found the hardest part of being a mother, particularly since having my second child Alice, is the responsibility. The pressure to get it right and the guilt if you get something wrong. Teaching them the right values and self worth; being a positive role model and doing my best to ensure they grow up knowing how loved and worthy they truly are, can sometimes be a tad overwhelming.

Best parts of being a mother: Regardless of the worry, watching the girls grow and learn to become best friends is everything. It's also seeing what an amazing parent my Husband is to our daughters, that, teamed with the spontaneous outbursts of affection and, 'Love you Mummy', make all of the difficult parts of motherhood disappear.

Has your attitude to work changed since becoming a mother: I worried about how I'd manage my time with regards to work, post kids, but I've noticed that my work ethic has remained the same and possibly even increased, it's how I work that has changed. I've learnt that it's okay for things not to be done perfectly all of the time and that, sometimes what I've managed to do in the time that I've had, is more than good enough.

Advice for new or expectant mums: Being a mum that is hard, but you will be okay. The sleep deprivation is tough, so don't berate yourself if things don't go as planned or as you'd hoped. Your sanity and well-being is the most important thing and if you remember to be kind to you, you and baby will be more than okay. I found that everyone had an opinion, but it's up to you to cherry-pick what advice you wish take on board. Do what's best for you and your baby.

Reach out if you're struggling. There are so many of us who have felt the pressures of being a new mum and struggled silently. Sharing will instantly make you feel better and help you realise that as hard as it is, we are all in this parenthood madness together and that makes coping with it that little bit easier. 

Take it hour by hour, and day by day.

Has being a mother changed you? Being a mother has changed me, absolutely - it's taught me to be a lot kinder to myself, to realise that I am doing okay at life and that I don't need other people's approval anymore. As long as my family are happy, healthy and safe, the rest is all just a bonus.

Follow https://linktr.ee/aliceinworryland for more from Kate about mental health and well-being after having children.

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