Interview - Ross @isabloguk - Men's Mental Health Matters.

Thank you for the bravery and honesty shown by Ross @isabloguk surrounding mental health. 

Name: Ross Hunt

Age: 27

Location: Newport (or close enough), South Wales

Child’s name: Isabelle

Child’s age: Two

The hardest thing about becoming a Father:The hardest thing about becoming a father was the shear helplessness I often felt. Throughout the entire birth I had the sense that there was nothing I could do, and then when we finally brought Isabelle home I didn’t realise how much she would want to feed. Since my wife breastfed I would inevitably have to wake her to allow Isabelle to feed.

Also, trying to form a bond with my own daughter was extremely hard too. I didn’t realise it would take so long.

The thing that surprised you the most:

The thing that surprised me the most was the fact that I really didn’t feel much for Isabelle when she was first born. I was expecting this huge rush of emotions that you often hear about in the media, but nothing came. Instead I just had nothing. And that lack of emotion really did take me by surprise.

How has becoming parents changed your relationship?

Becoming parents can be tough going on a relationship. You go from having all the time in the world for each other to suddenly wondering what day it is. It can easily put a huge strain on the relationship and quickly start arguments due to the stress involved.

In fairness to my wife and I we both handled it rather well. We both supported each other as best we possibly could, and even though I was struggling with postnatal depression I still did everything I could with Isabelle, and she did everything she could to support me.

What was your experience of Postnatal Depression?

Everyone’s experience differs when it comes to postnatal depression. Some people have no bonding issues with the baby and simply have regular depressive symptoms brought on by the birth or the stress. But for me it was all about the bond.

I felt like I didn’t love my daughter. At times I felt like I hated her, regretted having her and just resented her birth. It sounds horrible to say but I knew it was just depression making me feel that way. So I did what I always do when I get depressed and just kept going until things started to turn around.

Do you feel there is adequate support for men in the transition to parenthood.

I think there is support out there. At the end of the day I was seen by my doctor and I was offered counselling. Not that it was specific to postnatal depression, so I would’ve had those options regardless of whether I was a father or not.

But in terms of men becoming fathers I don’t think they do much to support them. Almost everything is centred around the mum, which I totally understand on a certain level as it’s the mum going through the pregnancy and birth. But if you want dads to be more supported you have to support them earlier on, and that starts at pregnancy.

Looking back, is there anything that you would do differently?

I have no idea really. I mean I went to the doctor within a week of Isabelle being born. I did everything I could to get better so there wasn’t really much else I could do. Having a history of depression prior to becoming a dad made it a lot easier to seek support when I knew what was happening.

I guess when our next baby arrives - due in October - I’ll be more prepared if I don’t have that bond right away.

Has becoming a Father changed you, if so, in what way?

Becoming a father has changed me in more ways I could imagine. It’s given my life an added level of meaning that I never quite had before. Suddenly I find myself with almost all my focus on Isabelle and virtually everything I do is for her in some way.

If you could offer one piece of advice to new parents, in particular, men, what would it be?

Don’t be afraid to talk about what you’re feeling. If you feel low, then say. If you need help, then ask. There is no shame in struggling. I still struggle on an almost daily basis with depression, I’m just much better at not letting it get the best of me.