Interview - Karl @ wearehummingbird - Men's Mental Health Matters

Thank you to so much to Karl from @wearehummingbird project for all that you do to help break the stigma. 

Name: Karl Age: 32

Location: Lancashire

Child’s name: Norah

Child’s age: 16 months

The hardest thing about becoming a Father:

The adjustment to a ‘new life’ and remembering that you have this new one to care for and look after. (In the early days, sometimes I genuinely forgot that I have a small child until I heard her on the baby monitor).

The thing that surprised you the most:

How fast a child can learn things. You can be going about your business one day and realise that your child has learnt how to get on to the couch, out of the blue. And it’s like ‘woah, that’s just opened up a new world of pain’!!

How has becoming parents changed your relationship? 

I don’t think much has changed. I think we make a conscious effort to argue less and resolve things in a calmer fashion and just try to create a more loving environment. Especially as children can pick up on these things quite easy.

What was your experience of Postnatal Depression?

I knew my wife was struggling and I think we both knew that there were going to be extreme hormone shifts after the birth. But I did my best to help out with whatever I could do. It’s only recently that I found out how bad she actually felt. But we got through it. I was worried about going back to work after my paternity but it wasn’t as bad as thought it would be.

Do you feel there is adequate support for men in the transition to parenthood. 

I’m not too sure if I’m honest. I didn’t go out of my way to look for any as I didn’t feel like I need it. However, I also wasn’t made aware of any beforehand, even at the classes we went to.

If not, why do you feel this is the case? 

I don’t think it’s common knowledge that men can also suffer from post-natal depression. And if I’m honest, I was only made aware of this recently through my work with We are Hummingbird.

Looking back, is there anything that you would do differently?

I don’t think so. I did everything I could to make my wife comfortable after the birth of our daughter. I didn’t feel that I needed as much help as she did.

Has becoming a Father changed you, if so, in what way? 

It’s made me quite over-protective but it’s also made me worry less. Which is quite weird actually as I used to worry about EVERYTHING. I think I made a conscious effort not to be a neurotic parent and somehow that seems to have subconsciously been applied in other areas too.

If you could offer one piece of advice to new parents, in particular, men, what would it be?

Be there for if / when your partner needs you. In whatever capacity that may be. It won’t go unnoticed. Get stuck in. Don’t be afraid of changing nappies or using a breast pump. It’s all bonding whether that’s with your wife or your partner. Things can get messy but it’s nothing a bit of soap and water can’t sort out. 

It’s all very overwhelming so don’t hold those feelings in and remember, if there are any problems then don’t be afraid to talk. Friends, family, Samaritans, Andy’s Man Club. There are always people there to listen... 

...and have fun. Time goes incredibly quickly. People used to say it all the time and I never believed them. But it really does. So treasure every second ... even when your offspring is being a pain in the arse.